I think it’s high time we examine our current level of doom. To aid in analysis, I have invented a doom scale, which ranges from “Rainbows and Unicorns” (no doom in sight) to “The Elder Gods Return” (better hope Cthulhu eats you first, because All Hope Is Lost).
Don’t worry, I’ll post a full list of all threat levels before the next installment…if there is one. And hopefully there will be, although we are at threat level “Zombie Attack Imminent.” Trust me, that’s pretty bad.
Here’s how I calculated our current Doomocity…
New York City flooded last week — and there were tornadoes in Brooklyn. Sure, both of those things are pretty doomtastic without further examination, but since freak flooding of NYC was a major plot point in the disaster movie “The Day After Tomorrow,” it gets bonus points. (I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest that any news item involving flash frozen helicopter pilots — or, god help us, mammoths — moves the Doom-o-meter directly to “Elder God” level.)
While we’re on the subject of weather, I should point out that Houston (and most of Texas) is currently under a heat advisory. I mean, it’s hot here all the time, just not usually hot enough to kill. (I never knew, but it’s actually the ubiquitous humidity that makes the heat so dangerous here. Humidity slows the evaporation of sweat, so your natural cooling ability is is hampered.) Anyway, it’s 107 degrees outside, and more like Death Valley in my un-air-conditioned car, and I’m starting to suspect that we may have slipped into the fiery depths of hell.
I’ll issue an emergency post if I start to smell brimstone. And move the Doom-o-meter up a notch, too…
On a much more somber note, our local Pacifica station, KPFT 90.1 FM, had a shooting very early Monday morning [link broken]. (Who knew zydeco music could push someone that far?) Thankfully no one was hurt, but as a long time volunteer, this completely freaked me out. This is actually the event that pushed out threat level to such a high reading. I recently was on the receiving end of some truly frightening road rage just a couple of blocks from my house, and I have come to conclusion that Houston is in a very dark place right now. There is a lot of aggression floating around — more than usual — so I’m not joking when I say you should be extra cautious out there.
However, not all is darkness and gloom in the world. Sure, the end is nigh (it always is), but I have some very happy news to post. Apparently, Darth Vader was contacted by some kids messing around with a ouija board. (Scroll down to the second post on the linked page to see the exact entry.)
Sure, someone was probably pushing the planchette, but that someone had a sense of humor — which may be the only effective defense against doom.
Until next time, keep on the lookout for zombies and tentacles…
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