Okay, there are circumstances, and then there are circumstances. And then there’s dumb, and then there’s crazy. Batshit crazy.
You know.
I heard a story the other day, sort of third or fourth hand, via my Mom, via my crazy Grandma, via her goat-farming significant other (I am so not making that up), via some random Missouri local paper the goat farmer read. You would think I would trust a pedigree like that, but I’ve met my Grandma and she’s not only loopy on a good day, but she can’t hear a thing.
I figured that the story was some sort of tangled telephone game of the hearing impaired.
Sadly, no. It turns out that a man in Deepwater, Missouri (former home of the Jones clan) did in fact shoot his wife through a wall [link broken] while trying to install a satellite system. He had tried “other means” to drill a hole in the wall, but turned to his pistol when those other methods failed.
None of the accounts I found online mentioned whether or not the gentleman in question was under the influence of anything other than poor judgment — but knowing the area, I wouldn’t be surprised. (There should be a billboard at the city limits of Deepwater, MO proclaiming proudly in an old-timey script font: “Meth — we had it first!”)
So…that’s Exhibit A. Now for Exhibit B.
Recently, a very disturbed man — a child molester, in fact — blamed his predilections on (wait for it, wait for it…) Sasquatch.
Sigh.
Bigfoot gets a bad rap. I mean, lots of people have reported that Bigfoot is frequently accompanied by Big Odor, and some have claimed that he behaved in a rather threatening manner. Still, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of Bigfoot harboring illicit thoughts of man-boy love — and I used to read The Weekly World News regularly. So stop hating on Bigfoot, stupid-ass criminals!
Other than that, a general aura of doom pervades everything — too many horrors to report. So, until next time, hoard some grain/gold/guns/leftover Easter candy, and be sure your alien abduction insurance is up to date.
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